It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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