then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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