i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
