so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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