words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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