I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
