I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
