They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
