you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
