I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
