I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
