As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
