I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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