They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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