Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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