Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
