Please, let me fuck your mom
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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