Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
