Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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