Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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