Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
