There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
