First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
