we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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