I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
