I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
