You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just cut my nipple shaving
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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