you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
