there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
