Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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