hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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