Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
