I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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