wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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