have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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