my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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