fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my being single is dangerous.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
