he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
