my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
