PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
