He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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