You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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