chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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