Banned from zoo.
Again?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
