Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I need a beard to bite.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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