It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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