this beer tastes like vomit already
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
