I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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