That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
