I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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