i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
