dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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