the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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