I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
