her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
