I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
