he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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