I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
