If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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